Things That Parents Should Never Say to Their Children

Do you know that some of your negative words or phrases can be psychologically damaging to your child? By repeating negative phrases in front of your child, you can never raise a mentally strong child.

If you want to know more than ‘’ What is the most psychologically damaging thing you can say to a child? & What kind of phrases or sentences should you avoid in front of your growing children if you want to see your child mentally active and live a healthier and fulfilled life? 

After reading this article, you will develop a strong understanding of the negative impact of hurtful words or phrases on the mental health of children. 

12 Things that Parents should never say to their Children

Studies of child psychology indicate that the way that parents talk to their child or behave with them exerts a strong impact on their self-confidence, self-esteem, and overall well-being.  

Parents should always consider this point:

Just like physical abuse, verbal abuse is also harmful as it can leave a major negative impact on the mental health of children.Harsh words or phrases can lead to anxiety, depression, and low confidence and self-esteem. Children who most often listen to the negative words from their parents struggle more in making and then strengthening their bonds with loved ones.

The following are the most damaging things that a parent should never say to their child.

 

1.It’s not a big deal

Children usually cry at those things that seem stupid and silly in front of others. Most of the parents also don’t bother them and expect them to avoid crying over such little things. They don’t consider their feelings, emotions, and thoughts behind their actions or behavior. If parents keep saying to them like

’’ You are crying without any specific reason.’’ Your annoying behavior is so irritating. What you are feeling doesn’t matter at all. It’s an act of stupidity to get scared and start crying’’

Such phrases or sentences can disrupt their mental health. 

Instead of this: Deeply consider their action and know the main reason behind that. Some little emotions that come out with their actions are normal for the kids, and they keep doing that until they get a positive parenting signal. Show your efforts in employing the best parenting strategies. Try to understand their perspective. Moreover, if you see any unusual change in their behavior, then ask them:

‘’ You seem scared or frightened’’

‘’Why are you looking sad?’’

If you are stressed about anything, then you can discuss it with me.

By saying such sentences to your child, you can make them feel secure, listened or heard. Instead of pointing out their emotions, help them label their emotions and acquire intelligence.

2.You can’t do anything in your life. 

Do not say anything negative to your kids. Always remember that although they are not mature by their age, they can absorb things and feel them more. It’s quite common that most of the children show some negative or disruptive behavior, but parents should avoid using negative phrases in front of their children. If you are repeatedly saying bad or negative words to your children, they will ultimately believe that they are bad. Moreover, they will also keep showing negative behavior. 

Avoid saying to them:

‘’You are not capable of achieving anything in your life’’

‘’You are just wasting your time and not doing anything.’’.

Instead of this:

Say to them that ‘’ You are brave enough to face all challenges and have all the capabilities to overcome them.  You have the inner potential to deal with every negative situation.

Whatever you say to your child, your words are an investment in their thoughts and core beliefs. Their behavior is reinforced in both positive and negative ways. Say to them that ‘’ You can make this thing better by making some positive changes’’

Your negative actions and behavior can harm you, so you should think about that. After that, they follow your instructions and turn things to the better side, then praise them. 

 

3. I don’t have time to play with you.

If you directly say to your child that’’ I don’t have time to play with you or I’m not free to spend some time with you then it can be psychologically damaging to your child. 

What you need to do:

Take some time and pay attention to your child. Don’t forget that play not only helps in your child’s growth and development but also significantly improves the parent-child relationship. Whenever you get free time, spend some quality time with your child, play with them, or participate in different engaging activities with them. By doing this, you can help your child in:

• Learning social skills
• Developing confidence & self-esteem
• Overcoming the issues of social interaction

4.You are the source of my sadness

It is understandable that, as a parent, you get sad when your child does not listen to you or shows any negative behavior. Do not show your inner feelings to your child, or do not mix your emotions with your children’s emotions. If you do this, then it can result in a situation that can be psychologically damaging to your child. 

What to do:

Set a boundary for your emotions and do not allow your emotions to penetrate your child’s world of emotions. Convince your child to show positive behavior in a very polite manner, like:

• It’s not good to jump on couches or chairs in the room.
• I would love to give you a reward when you listen to my instructions.

Moreover, you can also give them choices like’’ Would you go outside and play there instead of at home and destroy the things’’.

5.Negative self-image 

Showing a negative self-image to your child is also a major thing that is psychologically damaging to your child. Most of the parents make this mistake of saying the following things to their child:

• You are so dumb or lazy
• You always make mistakes
• You never show positive behavior
• You never listen to or follow my instructions 
• You are the reason for every issue
• Are you in your senses? Is there anything wrong with you?

After listening to these phrases, your child will feel guilty and ashamed and will always blame themselves, even in those situations when they don’t make any mistakes. Moreover, they will also start doubting themselves, that they do not have the ability to do anything in life.

What to do:

• Encourage them to participate in healthy activities. 
• Teach them multiple ways to deal with their stress.
• Acknowledge their emotions and feelings. 
• Tell them that ‘’ we understand what you are feeling and we are here to help you. 

6.Why don’t you behave like that?

Unhealthy comparisons are also damaging to your child’s mental health. Avoid saying this to your child:

‘’ Why don’t you behave like your brother?

Why don’t you get good marks in your exams?

You do not pay attention in the classroom like other kids.

You are not as pretty as your sister.

Although the intentions of your parents are good, as they just want you to succeed in each phase of life. But their way to motivate you is not right. Their unhealthy comparisons are destroying your mental peace. Moreover, if parents are continuously comparing their one child with others, then they start exhibiting resentment towards them and always struggle to remove the tag of comparison from themselves.

What to do: 

Tell your child that you have your distinct capabilities that can propel you on a pathway to success. Tell them that if you ever feel any difficulty in making a bond with others or doing anything, then you are free to share or discuss anything with us. Likewise, ask them, Why are you quiet, and Why are you not participating in activities? 

7.You should already know this.

Do not say to your child that ‘’ you should know this or you should know this better. In this way, you are making your child embarrassed. Moreover, this also stimulates the defensive behavior of your child. 

What to do:

Use the following phrases in front of your child.

• You are not dumb
• You are smart enough to make decisions. 
• If anything is wrong, then no worries, we can fix it together.
• Train your child to focus on the solutions, not the problems. 

8.You can’t achieve anything in your life.

Logically, this point is true, that there are a lot of things that children can’t do, but it does not mean that parents start saying this in front of them, undermining their confidence. 

What to do:

It’s a new thing, but you can do it. After doing this, you will learn multiple new things.

• It’s not dangerous, so don’t feel afraid.
• Participate in this activity, show your skills, and learn new skills.

9.Don’t let me catch you again while doing this. 

Don’t say to your child ‘’If I catch you red-handed, then I’m not gonna spare you. 

If you do this, I’ll punish you in a very harsh manner.

What to do:

Don’t show your frustration to your child. Guide them by using soft words like:You should be honest with me always. You should avoid repeating this mistake if you want to protect yourself from my anger and grow.

10.Just let me do it, and don’t disturb me.

Do not show rude behavior to your child. Always be kind to them. Whenever you are going to do any complicated task and you feel that your child can disturb you or can’t help you, then don’t bother. Do not consider your child less capable of doing any difficult task. 

Likewise, never say to your child ’ Don’t disturb me’’ Let me do that alone, you can’t do this with me.

What to do:

Say the following things to your child:

‘’ Why don’t you come and show your inner skills?”

‘’Don’t be scared, and you are free to showcase your inner skills’’

Moreover, if you feel that your child is not smart enough to complete the task, then give some time to your child to complete that task. 

11.You are just tired or hungry.

It’s common that when any person is hungry or feels fatigued, then he or she does not remain in senses. Likewise, if children are in the same situation and eagerly looking for food from their parents and feeling fatigued, then there are higher chances that they will never focus on what you say to them or obey your instructions. In such cases, most of the parents say to their child that.

‘’ Why are you irritating me if you are feeling hungry?

‘’ Don’t tell me that you are tired and you need rest.

What to do:

If your child’s hunger is the main reason for annoying behavior, then as a parent, what you need to do is to simply place the food in front of them without uttering even a single word. 

Likewise, if they are tired and need rest, then say I know what you are feeling right now. ‘’Complete all your important chores and then get some time to rest.’’. 

If you are feeling uneasy, then we can discuss to find out the main reason.

12.You are a liar or a failure (Any Label)

Most of the parents become a reason for their child’s low confidence and self-esteem. Whenever they make any mistake or show any negative behavior then they label them with any negative or harsh word. For example:

‘’You are ill-mannered’’

‘’You are very stupid’’

What to do:

Parents should avoid labeling their child with specific names or words. Instead of this, they should identify what’s the main reason behind their negative behaviors, as labels can also affect the parent-child relationship. 

They should use the positive labels themselves, like’’ You are smart’’, ‘’ You are brilliant’’.

Seek professional help 

If you ever feel that your child’s mental health is getting worse day by day, then immediately seek professional help. Several platforms provide mental health services, but among them, choose the most ideal and effective, like Children’s Psych.

Children Psych is renowned for providing comprehensive mental health services for children and adolescents. Whether your child is dealing with any mental or behavioral issue, we are here to help. Our team of experts provides tailored solutions to treat all the common mental health issues of children, which include anxiety, depression, OCD, ADHD, ADD, and bipolar disorder etc. 

Our expert child psychiatric nurse practitioners first assess the mental state of the child and then develop personalized solutions that fulfill the mental health requirements of each affected child. We